Live Volcano

This is a living volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii;  it is forever changing its course, sometimes menacing and sometimes quiet.  The first time I saw Kilauea the lava was flowing into the ocean causing mountainous plumes of steam.  It was beautiful.  We viewed this from the acres of hardened black lava beds that destroyed everything that lay in its path.  There is beauty, but how utterly frightening if my family, my friends, my loved ones were in the way of the moving, red hot devastating lava. 

Nature is a great teacher.  I'm sad to say that sometimes we humans aren't good learners.  We continue to stand in the pathway of the elements of destruction.  Why can't we just be satisfied with being spectators instead of participants of harmful substances?  And this can be anything that keeps our spirit from soaring and reaching the heavens, and likewise that keeps the spirit of Heaven from penetrating our souls. 

These musings are not directed towards Andy or anyone else in particular, they are just thoughts from an observer, and someone who has stood in the pathway of moving lava.

Andy is doing well.  He just took midterms in the two college classes he's taking, biology and Political Science!  The love of learning has struck!  We are able to discuss much more these days, especially how well his mind is working.  I would say, right now, Andy is seeking a pathway of construction,not destruction.      

 

I was shocked to see that my first post in this blog, "Childreninprison.blogspot.com, was two years and four months ago.  Andy still sits in a prison cell only 45 minutes from us, and we continue to visit him once a week.  For me, this is a huge blessing.  

We just got back from visiting him today, for only 25 minutes.  We got there two hours before, but because of "inmate count" where they have to be in their cells, he couldn't be brought to the visitor's room for however long.  It is so frustrating to be at the mercy of the prison protocol.  Oh, well, I used the time to think about what yard  work I need to do over the next few spring/summer like days.  Good use of my time I guess.

What is sad for me is that I have trouble thinking of my son in any other environment besides prison.  Am I just protecting myself from disappointment, frustration, whatever?  Or is it because, "it is what it is" and I can't do anything about it.  I have been reading a lot lately in my Sunday School lessons and in the scriptures that we must be of "good cheer," "be glad," "be joyful."  I try, I really do.  And most days I succeed.

I project to the future and wonder what he will make of his life after prison?  Really, there is no answer for me because only Andy can determine that.  I am learning how to stop trying to be in control.  As they say in AA "Let Go, Let God!"

Light

Andy's dad and I continue to visit him every week, usually on Sunday afternoon.  We spend a lot of the time laughing and just enjoying the visit.  When we run low on things to talk about we play scrabble.  We're good at three and four letter words!  

Whenever I'm asked about my family, like "tell me about your kids," I hesitate just a little to share that our youngest son is in prison.  I'm not sure how some will react.  Truthfully, I don't really care if this information is met with a negative reaction by others.  It is what it is, and Andy is my son, flesh of my flesh.  And I know he is a child of God and is loved by Him.  I also know that the atonement covers his sins and my sins when we repent. It is a light that warms the earth and my soul.