Friday, March 15, 2013

I was shocked to see that my first post in this blog, "Childreninprison.blogspot.com, was two years and four months ago.  Andy still sits in a prison cell only 45 minutes from us, and we continue to visit him once a week.  For me, this is a huge blessing.  

We just got back from visiting him today, for only 25 minutes.  We got there two hours before, but because of "inmate count" where they have to be in their cells, he couldn't be brought to the visitor's room for however long.  It is so frustrating to be at the mercy of the prison protocol.  Oh, well, I used the time to think about what yard  work I need to do over the next few spring/summer like days.  Good use of my time I guess.

What is sad for me is that I have trouble thinking of my son in any other environment besides prison.  Am I just protecting myself from disappointment, frustration, whatever?  Or is it because, "it is what it is" and I can't do anything about it.  I have been reading a lot lately in my Sunday School lessons and in the scriptures that we must be of "good cheer," "be glad," "be joyful."  I try, I really do.  And most days I succeed.

I project to the future and wonder what he will make of his life after prison?  Really, there is no answer for me because only Andy can determine that.  I am learning how to stop trying to be in control.  As they say in AA "Let Go, Let God!"