I had been having some major struggles with feelings of worth as a mom and wife, and even a human being because of the trials I have been "blessed" with. I mean I've gone through this before; it's nothing new, but I was letting the challenges get to me. And once again, I've decided to smile in spite of them and look for what's good in life. I am sad to say I haven't let Andy's circumstances get me too far down. I don't know if it's because of distractions or I'm pushing feelings back in the dark recesses of my mind or the spirit is helping me have confidence that he is where he needs to be and that he is safe. I like the last one, but maybe hard to accept.
I haven't talked to Andy in nearly a month. His dad went to the jail outside of Los Angeles to visit with him two days over a weekend lately. He said he was good and even content. That is the biggest worry for me that this does become his life and these "roommates" are his community. I wonder how Christmas is going to be for him? Unfortunately he has spent a few over the past several years locked up. How can he stand it?
Christmas has always meant home and being with loved ones for me.
I will keep trying to make this a jolly season for myself and those around me. Andy is in someone else's hands and I can't do anything about it.
Isn't it scary to hand one of your children over to someone else? I have been fortunate enough to only have to hand mine over to God, but it was still so hard because I felt like I should be able "to take care of it" myself. I can only try to imagine what it is like for you and another friend.
ReplyDeleteYou are often in my thoughts and prayers. Love to you all!