Walking In Faith

Yesterday we went back up to Eloy to see Andy with the thought that we would visit from 1-3:30 because a few weeks ago I had signed up for the missionaries to eat dinner with us, not knowing Saturday is the day we would visit with our son.  We sat down at our table at 1:30.  There were many girlfriends, wives, friends and families to visit their loved ones.  We watched guys come in and sit down with those who had come to visit them.  A half hour passed and there were maybe three visitors, including us, left waiting for the door to open bringing who we had been waiting for.  Another half hour and no Andy.  His dad approached the guards and asked why our son hadn't been brought up.  "Oh, he's somewhere.  We can't find him, uh, maybe he's on recreation or something,  we're working on it."  I had lost my happy face by this time.  Another half hour passed and I had had it. I jumped up, walked over to the desk and asked again why our son hadn't come up and explained we had to leave at 3:30 (half hour from when I asked).  "Uh, well, sometimes this just happens, they're somewhere but we can't locate them, and we can't help it, and uh, you just never know when this will happen."  I went back and sat down.  In another 10-15 minutes or so Andy appeared after having been stripped search on his way into the room; standard humiliating procedure.  We asked him where he had been?  He had told us last week that Saturday afternoon is when he can go out into the yard (outside) to run and exercise.  We thought he must have been doing that and frankly I was a little miffed at his rudeness.  When he sat down he said he hadn't been in the yard that he was in his cell the whole time.  The guards had just told him he had visitors.  I was so totally angry that they feel like it's ok to mess with people, to yank their chain.  I'm still a little mad.  We did extend our visit another half hour, until 4, and it worked out ok to get home in time to finish dinner, BUT our visit was cut short and probably not as relaxed as it could have been.

What makes me more sad than angry about this whole experience is some things he shared with us about himself during the visit.  It's hitting him how long he will be locked up.  Worst case scenario release date is 2022.  Best case is 2017.  He'll either be back into society in 5 years or 7 years.  Man, that's a long time.  He is realizing that he will be 30 years old.  Let's see that's about 15 years of his life gone, wasted, from the time he made the decision to use drugs and to do whatever it took to get that life sucking substance to walking back out into the fresh air, hopefully a free man.  He believes all his hopes, dreams, and aspirations are never to be had.  We did what all good parents would try to do, minimize the pain, and try to give encouragement, sharing with him that you find new dreams, new hopes, new aspirations.  I think it might have fell on deaf ears.  Maybe what he's feeling is what he should be feeling, but to be defeated for the next 7 years?  I wouldn't want that.  I've been sad for him.  Another walk in faith, right?  And that's where I am, not able to do anything, but pray for him to be given strength, courage, and to submit cheerfully to the will of the Lord, then his burdens will be made light, even so that he cannot feel them upon his back.  I'm praying for myself, too.